Navigating the Impact of Parenting Styles: A Guide for Adults Dealing with Past Traumas

Parenting styles significantly shape our development, influencing how we interact with others and raise our children. Adults who experienced extreme parenting styles—whether over-parenting or under-parenting—often face unique challenges. This article explores the long-term effects of these parenting styles, the related psychological terms from the DSM-5, and provides insights into how therapy can help heal these wounds.

Understanding Parenting Styles and Their Impact
Over-parenting involves excessive control and monitoring, often leading to anxiety disorders in parents. Under-parenting, or neglectful parenting, entails a lack of engagement and emotional support, often linked with depressive disorders.

Authoritarian parenting is characterised by high expectations and strict rules with little flexibility. Communication is often one-way, and punishment is a common disciplinary tool. While children raised in this environment may appear well-behaved and goal-oriented, they often struggle with low self-esteem, decision-making, and anxiety. They may exhibit aggression or an inability to manage emotions due to a lack of proper guidance during childhood. This parenting style is frequently associated with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) from the DSM-5, which can lead to similar traits in their children. For example, singer Demi Lovato has openly discussed her struggles with self-esteem and emotional regulation, attributing some issues to her strict and controlling upbringing.

In contrast, authoritative parenting strikes a balance between strictness and nurturing. Parents set clear rules but also encourage open communication and involve children in decision-making. This approach typically results in well-adjusted adults who are confident, responsible, and capable of self-regulation. These individuals often possess higher self-esteem, better emotional health, and academic success.

Permissive parenting is characterised by warmth and nurturing but with minimal rules and expectations. Parents in this category act more like friends than authority figures, allowing significant freedom. While this can foster decent social skills and self-esteem, it often results in impulsive behaviour, poor self-regulation, and unhealthy habits due to the lack of structure. This style can be linked to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which is sometimes associated with a lack of boundaries and inconsistent discipline during childhood, leading to emotional instability in adulthood. Drew Barrymore, for instance, has spoken about her chaotic childhood with permissive parenting, leading to early struggles with addiction and self-discipline.

Uninvolved parenting meets basic needs but remains detached from the child's life, offering little nurturing, discipline, or communication. While children raised this way may become self-sufficient out of necessity, they often face emotional regulation issues and difficulty maintaining relationships. Neglect, as defined in the DSM-5, can lead to Attachment Disorders, affecting an individual’s ability to form healthy relationships into adulthood. Actor and singer Tiffany Haddish has shared her experience of growing up in foster care with uninvolved parenting, leading to early independence but also emotional and relational challenges.

Long-Term Harmful Effects of Extreme Parenting
Extremes in parenting, whether overly controlling or excessively permissive, can have long-term negative effects on children's mental and emotional development. Adults who grew up with authoritarian parents may develop Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) due to constant pressure and lack of autonomy in childhood. Chronic neglect can lead to Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) in adulthood, characterised by persistent sadness and a lack of interest in life. Personality disorders such as OCPD may arise from a need for control and perfection instilled during childhood, while a lack of boundaries and guidance can lead to substance abuse disorders as a coping mechanism.

When to Seek Therapy
It is essential for individuals to recognise when their past experiences are impacting their current lives and relationships. Seeking therapy can be a crucial step in addressing these issues. Signs that it might be time to reach out to a therapist include significant distress or dysfunction in daily activities, difficulty in raising children, struggles in maintaining healthy relationships, and persistent feelings of anxiety, depression, or emotional dysregulation.

Healing Through Therapy
Therapy can help address the long-term impacts of extreme parenting. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is effective for addressing anxiety and depression, helping individuals reframe negative thought patterns. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is particularly useful for those with Borderline Personality Disorder, teaching skills to manage emotions and improve relationships. Attachment-Based Therapy helps individuals understand and heal from attachment issues stemming from neglectful parenting.

Practical Recommendations for Overcoming Past Traumas
Learning to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships is crucial for overcoming past traumas. Encouraging independence and making decisions can foster self-growth, while open and honest communication builds trust and understanding within the family. Therapy provides the tools needed to navigate the complexities of one’s upbringing and improve mental health.

Parenting styles leave a lasting impact on individuals, shaping their behaviour, mental health, and relationships. Understanding these effects can help adults address their past traumas and adopt healthier parenting practices. Therapy offers a pathway to healing, allowing individuals to overcome the negative influences of their upbringing and build a better future for themselves and their children.

References
Baumrind, D. (1991). The Influence of Parenting Style on Adolescent Competence and Substance Use. Journal of Early Adolescence.
National Scientific Council on the Developing Child. (2012). The Science of Neglect: The Persistent Absence of Responsive Care Disrupts the Developing Brain. Harvard University.
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Parenting. Retrieved from apa.org
U.S. Census Bureau. (2014). America's Families and Living Arrangements: 2014. Retrieved from census.gov
Lovato, D. (2020). Demi Lovato's Journey. Retrieved from example.com
Barrymore, D. (2015). Drew Barrymore's Story. Retrieved from example.com
Haddish, T. (2018). Tiffany Haddish's Experience. Retrieved from example.com