Why Do We Hyperfixate on People We Barely Know?
posted 14th December 2025
⭐ Why Do We Hyperfixate on People We Barely Know?
Ever met someone once and your brain immediately goes,
“Right. New obsession unlocked. Let’s mentally storyboard our entire life together.”
You do not know their middle name, their favourite snack, or whether they are emotionally available, but suddenly they are living rent-free in your head.
So why does this happen 🤔
Hyperfixating on someone you barely know is not strange, unhealthy, or a sign that something is wrong with you. It is a very human response driven by how our brains process novelty, attachment, and imagination.
Let us break it down.
💭 We Fill in the Blanks With Really Nice Stuff
Your brain hates uncertainty.
When you do not have much information about someone, your mind fills in the gaps, and it usually does so generously. Suddenly, they are kind, funny, emotionally intelligent, consistent, and deeply understanding.
Not because they have shown you that,
but because you have not seen anything to contradict it yet.
The version of them you are attached to is partly fictional.
They are perfect because they are unfinished.
🔥 Dopamine Loves New People
Novelty activates dopamine, the brain chemical linked to motivation, reward, and focus.
New people bring new energy, new possibilities, and new narratives. Your brain gets a hit of excitement, and before you know it, you are replaying conversations, analysing tone, and imagining future scenarios.
This is not romance.
It is neurochemistry doing its thing.
🧠 Attachment Styles Play a Role
If you lean towards an anxious or avoidant attachment style, fixation can feel safer than real closeness.
From a distance, there is no rejection, no conflict, and no emotional risk.
You get a connection without having to navigate the unpredictability of a real relationship. It is intimacy wrapped in fantasy, controlled and emotionally safer.
🎧 It Can Act Like Emotional Comfort Content
Especially if you are neurodivergent
For many people, particularly those who are neurodivergent, hyperfixation can function as emotional regulation.
Much like rewatching a comfort show, thinking about a person can feel both predictable and soothing, yet mentally stimulating.
Sometimes the comfort content your brain chooses happens to be a person.
This does not mean you are obsessed in a clinical sense. It is a common cognitive and emotional pattern, especially during periods of stress, transition, or loneliness.
🪞 We Project Who We Wish They Were
Or Who We Want to Be
Often, the person we are fixated on is not actually the point.
They become a canvas for what we are longing for, what feels missing in our life, or who we want to be more like.
In this way, the fixation is less about them and more about what they symbolise.
They are a mirror, not a soulmate.
🧯 What to Do When You Are Hyperfixating
Because sometimes you really do need your brain to chill
✔️ 1. Do a Reality Check
Ask yourself, what do I actually know about this person?
And no, they smiled at me once does not count as a full personality profile.
✔️ 2. Redirect the Energy Gently
Your brain wants stimulation, so give it somewhere healthier to land.
- 🎵 a new playlist
- 🚶♀️ a walk
- 📓 journalling
- 🎨 a hobby
- 📱 texting a friend instead of checking their Instagram again
✔️ 3. Reduce the Fuel
Fixation feeds on access.
- Mute their socials.
- Stop rereading old messages.
- Step away from digital breadcrumbs.
Out of sight does not erase feelings, but it does lower intensity.
✔️ 4. Ground Yourself in Real Life
Fantasy loses power when reality gets louder.
Try stretching, cleaning, touching cold water, or resetting your physical space. These small actions bring your nervous system back into the present moment.
✔️ 5. Talk It Out
One honest conversation with a friend often pops the fantasy bubble faster than anything else.
Saying it out loud helps separate what is imagined from what is real.
Overall......
Hyperfixating on someone you barely know is not embarrassing or irrational. It is human.
Our brains love stories, connection, and dopamine. But real fulfilment does not live in imagined futures or mental highlight reels.
If you notice this pattern repeating, therapy can help uncover what need the fixation is meeting, whether that is connection, validation, safety, or meaning, and help you find grounded ways to meet those needs.
Because the real magic does not happen in fantasy ✨
It happens in a real, reciprocal, emotionally available connection.
