Why Do I Feel Like People Don’t Like Me?

Many people come to therapy with a quiet, unsettling question:

“I don’t understand it. I’m friendly, I make an effort, I haven’t upset anyone—but I still get the feeling people don’t really like me. They’re polite, but distant. Like they’re wary of me, and I don’t know why.”

This experience—of being misunderstood or misread socially despite trying your best—is remarkably common, particularly among adults with inattentive ADHD, high sensitivity, or unresolved attachment wounds. It is not about paranoia or overthinking. It’s about social misattunement: the subtle mismatch between how we feel inside and how we’re perceived by others.

The Invisible Disconnect
You might be someone who deeply values connection. You go out of your way to be warm, helpful, or easy to get along with. But for reasons you can’t always explain, you find people don’t respond in kind. They’re kind enough—but cautious. You’re rarely included in deeper conversations. There’s an invisible wall that never quite comes down.

Over time, this pattern can wear away at confidence. It can lead to second-guessing your social presence and questioning your likability—despite having done nothing “wrong.”

Subtle Signs of Neurodivergence
For individuals with inattentive ADHD, these experiences are especially common. Although they may not struggle with overt hyperactivity, their internal world often moves at a fast pace. This can lead to behaviours that feel normal to them—but are misread by others:

- Talking quickly, overexplaining, or oversharing when nervous
- Spacing out during conversations and missing cues
- Shifting emotional energy—being upbeat one moment, flat the next
- Masking social fatigue with rehearsed friendliness

To others, this can appear as inconsistency, awkwardness, or intensity. People may not know how to “read” them, and so they keep a certain distance—even if they’re not fully aware of doing so.

The High Cost of Trying Hard
What makes this so painful is that these individuals are often deeply attuned to social dynamics. They notice micro-reactions. A flicker of discomfort. A lack of warmth. A change in tone.

And because they’re perceptive—but unsure what’s causing the shift—they internalise the blame.

“Maybe I talk too much.”
“Maybe I’m too intense.”
“Maybe I’m annoying and no one wants to say it.”

In many cases, there’s no conflict, no unkindness—just a quiet disconnection. And that silence hurts more than any argument could.

The Role of Rejection Sensitivity
Many adults with ADHD or attachment issues also live with rejection sensitivity dysphoria—a profound emotional reaction to perceived rejection or disapproval. When others are distant, they don’t just feel puzzled—they feel wounded, rejected, or ashamed.

This can make social navigation feel like walking through fog with a mirror strapped to your chest—seeing only your own reflection and assuming the worst.

How Therapy Helps
This pattern is not about being unlikable. It is often about:

- Unrecognised neurodivergence
- Early social wounds that never fully healed
- Masking habits that create disconnection instead of protection

Therapy can help by:

- Identifying what part of the self is being misread
- Exploring whether the individual is over-efforting to connect
- Teaching more grounded, congruent communication
- Healing the core belief: “I’m too much” or “I’m not enough”

With insight and self-compassion, clients often realise that their intentions were never the problem. It was the unspoken rules of neurotypical social interaction that made them feel “other.”

Reframing the Experience
You are not disliked. You are likely misread.

You may not need to be louder, quieter, funnier, or more relatable. You may simply need to understand the language your nervous system speaks, and help others understand it too.

At the London Psychologist Clinic, we help adults explore the quiet layers of their relational experience—especially those who have never felt like they fully “fit” socially. Whether you live with ADHD, anxiety, or a highly sensitive mind, there is relief in understanding. And there is freedom in knowing you don’t have to change your personality—just your self-perception.