Normal, Absent and Complicated Grief

WHAT IS GRIEF?
Grief is most commonly associated with losing a loved one, but it can also be triggered by:

• Losing your job
  
• A change in lifestyle or financial security
  
• After a stillbirth or miscarriage
  
• Ending a friendship, relationship or marriage
  
• After serious illness or disease
  
• After losing your independence due to loss of mobility
  

WHAT IS NORMAL GRIEF?

Normal grief is the name given to a typical grieving process. The symptoms of normal grief include:

• Shock and disbelief
  
• Disorganisation, chaos and numbness
  
• Anger
  
• Bargaining
  
• Depression
  
• Acceptance
  
• Common experiences of grief include:
  
• Crying or weeping
  
• Feeling overwhelmed
  
• Lack of appetite or overeating
  
• nsomnia or hypersomnia
  
• Loss of energy or fatigue
  
• Feeling guilty, sad, empty or depressed
  
• Anxiety or panic attacks
  
• Isolating oneself from friends and family
  

Normal grief is characterised by the fact that it is manageable. Individuals can still go on with their life and participate in activities, even if they might be unpleasant or painful. However, when grief gets too much to handle, this is known as complicated grief.

WHAT IS COMPLICATED GRIEF?
Complicated grief is a more severe form of bereavement. It is when the grieving process does not follow the typical path, or when the individual experiences excessive and intense grief that gets in the way of their life. This type of grief often leads to mental health problems such as depression and anxiety.

The symptoms of complicated grief can be categorised as those that get in the way of a normal life. This could include:

• Excessive thoughts about the person who has died
  
• ntense longing for the deceased
  
• Suffering from intrusive images or thoughts
  
• Having difficulty accepting the death
  
• Feeling like life is not worth living without the person who has died
  
• Experiencing guilt over things that were said or done before the death
  
• Neglecting personal hygiene or appearance
  
• Suicidal thoughts or actions
  
• Wreckless behaviour
  

WHAT IS ABSENT GRIEF?
Absent grief occurs when the person has already grieved the loss extensively before the person has passed away. This can lead to complicated and complex feelings of guilt, anger and denial.
There can be several reasons why an individual might experience absent grief. This includes, but is not limited to:

• anticipating the death of a loved one and preparing for it;
  
• being unable to attend or participate in funeral rituals;
  
• being estranged from the loved one
  
• avoiding thinking about death because it is too difficult to deal with, otherwise known as denial
  
• you realise you weren't that close with the person who passed away
  
• other things are happening in your life that take priority
  

Common symptoms of absent grief include:

• Feeling numb or disconnected from your emotions
  
• Having difficulty remembering the person who has died
  
• Having physical symptoms such as headaches, nausea or chest pain
  
• Feeling like you are going crazy
  
• Experiencing flashbacks or hallucinations of the deceased
  
• Dreaming about the person who has died
  
• Trying to avoid talking or thinking about death altogether
  

You might become obsessed with the idea that you should be feeling more than you are. This can be all-consuming and leave you feeling abnormal for not having a typical reaction to loss.
Remember that denial is one of the stages of normal grief, so you may simply be stuck in this stage. Once you pass through this and accept that the person has gone, you may feel differently.
Absent grief can be a defence mechanism to help you avoid feeling the extent of your emotions. So, before you start wondering if you are cold and absent for not feeling grief.